


Man with the Golden Crab

by kadytheredpanda



Category: Tintin (Comics), Tintin - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Evil, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-21
Updated: 2012-03-21
Packaged: 2018-09-15 23:44:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9264347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kadytheredpanda/pseuds/kadytheredpanda
Summary: drabblish AU oneshot. A secret agent is foiled by Captain Haddock during his first assignment.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Title: The Man with the Golden Crab  
> Author: LM Simpson (Kady the Red Panda)  
> Pairing(s): none  
> Rating: T  
> Warning(s): Safety, mostly  
> Disclaimer: Ich bin eine Amerikaner!  
> Other tidbits: For Yilanti's evil!Tintin prompt.

"Dammit," He squeaked, having been squeezed together by knotted hemp. "Damn it all."

It didn't matter whether he escaped and completed his mission or not. The boss was going to tear him apart for botching it so horribly. Agent 007 he was not.

Haddock, the bastard, smoked a pipe on the other side of the dank, dark storage room. His coat and captain hat and the darkness obscured his features, but he knew that it was Europe's top heroin smuggler all the same.

The captain switched on a sole lightbulb connected to the ceiling. The agent's eyes hurt before adjusting to the dim light. It swung about, synching with the waves's motions.

Haddock crouched in front of Allan, took off his hat, and breathed in deeply. The agent coughed when his captor blew out smoke into his face.

Haddock laughed. "What's the matter, Allan? Can't tolerate a teensy bit of smoke?"

He shoved his face towards Allan's and grimaced. "Well, guess what? I can't tolerate snakes in my crew! Especially when they are parasitic spies like you!"

Allan's nose bled after Haddock punched him. He was unsure if it was broken, but still it hurt like hell all the same.

"H-how did you know that I was a spy?"

"You were the only member aboard this ship brave or stupid enough to keep visiting me. I do love my whisky, but no one on the Karaboudjan would be willing to give me bottle after bottle of it! Except for you, that is… Trying to stupefy me, were you?"

Allan held his tongue. Blood dyed his torso dark maroon. He could taste iron on his lips.

Haddock growled. "Not going to talk, eh? Well then, I'll make sure you never talk again!"

He got up, moved to a crate. Allan's eyes widened. Haddock looked down at the crab can that he just opened.

"I don't like wasting away potential profit, but if this keeps you from foiling my entire operation then it will be worth more than its weight in gold to me!"

Haddock cut away one as much of Allan's top as he could without freeing him in the process. The ropes were tight enough, so even with the horrid lighting he could detect a vein to inject at. Haddock heated up the can, drew some heroin into a needle he hid away in his pocket, and sadistically grinned as he shoved the entire point down into Allan's neck. By the third injection, the agent was beginning to shake uncontrollably.

"D-d-d-da-!"

He could not complete it. His mouth was too damn dry. Before he drifted into unconsciousness at the fifth injection, he wondered who R was going to replace him with. Novice agents were a dime a dozen in the world of espionage. Maybe that man would more accomplished than he was, because Agent 007 he was not.


End file.
